Maybe I'm not suitable to watch romantic tragedy movies. I was watch a re-run of the Korean movie "Windstruck", the story started with a misunderstanding which bought this All girls High school teacher and a local female cop together. At one point they got cuffed together the whole entire night in which they fell in love. In the end, the guy was worried about his gf's line of work since she blatantly ignores the dangers, so he went out trying to "help" his gf (stupid I know). It was ok the 1st few times but in the last one a case of mistaken identity had the guy got shot and died. The girl enters a suicidal state but each time she tries something happens to stop her like the ghost of the bf didnt want her to die, to the point where she was falling off a very high building only to have this giant balloon in the shape of a hand coming up from a party below breaking her fall. She then tries to get herself killed by placing herself in the most dangerous situations during her beat but she survives. In the end the ghost of her bf came to her through the winds to say goodbye and told her she would find someone else like him and would know when she hears him whispers in her heart.

Just like the first time I watched it, I can't help but ball my eyes out at the end. Making matters worse my mind keeps thinking about the story which makes me feel depressed. Maybe I really shouldnt be watching sad stories...

On other note, I have moved back to my parents but I feel something's missing. I end up staying in the city til like 8 or go elsewhere during Thursday nights just so I dont have to go home. With freedom comes sacrifices, I learnt it both times when I moved to my godmother's and when I moved out.

The thing is during my enforced prolong stay in the city I see myself all alone, like those bums I see walking around by themselves. I dont wanna be like them but I keep feeling I was becoming like them. I see pplz hanging out with friends or their partner and I look to myself and know that I have friends but they usually all busy and other things.

And as I sit alone in the dark of the room right now I'm scared that this would be my fate for the rest of my life. I've prayed to God, I've demand He would do something, I've yelled at Him, and I've said I'm sorry, but I still dont hear His guidance or His comfort.

I know I'm just sitting there feeling sorry for myself but what should I do? There's nothing else that can occupy my mind, the loneliness is really overwhelming, like a giant roadblock.